LoveHavana

"People are accustomed to disguise ourselves in front of others. But in the end, we are just disguised to ourselves."

What a wise conclusion of human beings!
I am the one who struggle myself with depression and compulsive self-denial.
It is so hard to believe in anything or anyone.
But what if I couldn't trust myself, how could I even walk out of my defensive walls?
In the end, every time I walk out, I give something from the bottom of my heart, I get hurt.
They are just seeking something from me.
Every time I am trying to believe this person is not that bad, came out wrong.
What can I do?

I am lost in this terrible present.
I have no way to go. i have nobody to turn to.
What I could do is letting alcohol anesthetize myself.
Then I could just don't feel a thing, becoming numb.
How easy you say to stay empty and don't think?
Even that's my curse to being that emotional and weak, I could do nothing about it.
Desperado? Delusion?Lunatic?

I am trying so hard to climb up and leave this terrible depression.
I do.