I am Iris?? I don't know and I don't want to.
Wish I could be Amanda, but it seems impossible to be so cruel.
He wins me over actually, although he said that I win him over.
But I couldn't see the future, what I can do is let it go on and on.
Sounds depressing and hopeless.
But what could I expect?
Anything could happen.
I say.
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Learning to let go.
I am playing a game and I keep reminding myself of it.
An inconvenient truth.
I am trying to deal with it.
雲淡風輕
可是好難
TNTB都說我玩不起
我希望我能像哥哥說的 我做的到
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Meredith is discribed dark and twisted.
I guess I am, too.
The world seems to be out of control, so do I.
Just have to let it go.
在這些混沌中
我只求能呼吸下去
於是我會努力
努力掙扎 努力吸氣
只求得一口氧氣
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It's a game.
Let's play.
Shall we?
I am already lose in the beginning and I am so awful now.
What's the difference?
I have nothing to lose..............
So why not?
Let's do it.
It is all that I got.
What I can do....
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I am Good.
Couldn't be better.
Thank you.
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明明今天是Christmas 應該是充滿幸福和喜悅的一天
但是 假裝的情緒始終壓抑不住
直到 聽到你那哽咽抑鬱的聲音
於是 看著前方莫名紅了的眼眶
以為 經歷過上星期的陰霾黑暗
就能 冷眼旁觀身旁的種種是非
可是 心底深處的晦暗揮之不去
因此
我很抱歉 親愛的 我希望你一直都很開心
不要受我影響
我的易感我的自卑我的鑽牛角尖
就都留給我吧
I am so sorry that I couldn't share the joy with you in such a warm holiday.
But I am really trying so hard to act as usual.
But I didn't find out the darkness is leaking out and make you infected.
I thought maintaining status quo would be the only way to survive from all this chaos.
Mask, disguise may be the best mean to protect myself from falling apart.
But my dear friend, please stay possitive stay in the brightness.
Because I don't want you in this endless darkness.
Maybe I just don't want to know.......
about getting hurt, about everything.
I am just being afraid.
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A brand new week, a brand new day.
Trying to get over the past and becoming numb.
Everything seems to be not so important.
"No expectation, no disappointment."
It's good to look at things around me without feelings.
I am feeling good.I can say that.
Looking at things in plain sight.
And I feel as small as I could.
Eventually, I am still alive.
Back to basic, I feel nothing about today or any days in the future.
No meanings, no wishes, no hopes.
I could do that for a peaceful life.
Brother is right. Sherry is right.
I just don't want to face that.
So what do I really want?
I don't know.
And I don't know why I let myself into a dead end.
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"People are accustomed to disguise ourselves in front of others. But in the end, we are just disguised to ourselves."
What a wise conclusion of human beings!
I am the one who struggle myself with depression and compulsive self-denial.
It is so hard to believe in anything or anyone.
But what if I couldn't trust myself, how could I even walk out of my defensive walls?
In the end, every time I walk out, I give something from the bottom of my heart, I get hurt.
They are just seeking something from me.
Every time I am trying to believe this person is not that bad, came out wrong.
What can I do?
I am lost in this terrible present.
I have no way to go. i have nobody to turn to.
What I could do is letting alcohol anesthetize myself.
Then I could just don't feel a thing, becoming numb.
How easy you say to stay empty and don't think?
Even that's my curse to being that emotional and weak, I could do nothing about it.
Desperado? Delusion?Lunatic?
I am trying so hard to climb up and leave this terrible depression.
I do.
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作曲:周杰倫 作詞:周杰倫
哪裡有彩虹告訴我 能不能把我的願望還給我
為什麼天這麼安靜 所有的雲都跑到我這裡
有沒有口罩一個給我 釋懷說了太多就成真不了
也許時間是一種解藥 也是我現在正服下的毒藥
看不見你的笑我怎麼睡得著
你的聲音這麼近 我卻抱不到
沒有地球 太陽還是會繞
沒有理由 我也能自己走
你要離開 我知道很簡單
你說依賴 是我們的阻礙
就算放開 但能不能別沒收我的愛
當作我最後才明白
有沒有口罩一個給我 釋懷說了太多就成真不了
也許時間是一種解藥 也是我現在正服下的毒藥
看不見你的笑我怎麼睡得著
你的聲音這麼近 我卻抱不到
沒有地球 太陽還是會繞
沒有理由 我也能自己走
你要離開 我知道很簡單
你說依賴 是我們的阻礙
就算放開 但能不能別沒收我的愛
當作我最後才明白
看不見你的笑 要我怎麼睡得著
你的聲音這麼近 我卻抱不到
沒有地球 太陽開始環繞環繞
沒有理由 我也能自己走掉
是我說了太多 就承受不了
也許時間是一種解藥 解藥
也是我選擇整瓶服下的毒藥
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Criminal mind這個影集的結論真的都很好
往往反應了人生中種種的現象
就像Reid問他自己的
每當面臨這些事情都會反問自己
"Are they crazy or I am insane?"
而往往這是沒有答案的
當想的太多 聽的太多 看的太多
連自己單純的直覺和感官都無法相信
可悲的是摀住耳朵閉上眼睛
都不願面對的真相
努力尋求他人的支持 努力用表象來麻痺自己
殊不知
其實答案早就在一開始就浮現眼前
只是我選擇別過眼不去看
當一切只能是逃避和假象
那我又何須探求真相呢
Not necessary!!!!!!!!!!
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"使用新的方法來傷害人是人類的專長"
"People are cruel to each other"
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累了
紅了的不只是我的雙眼
無法再努力無法再往前
現在的我無力地只能
說著言不由衷的話
做著沒有感覺的事
看著冰冷僵硬的一切
抽離自己 放空一切
可是我好累好疲憊喔
怎麼會這樣子
也許身體的不舒服身體的疲憊
讓我的忍耐力下降更多
昨晚與老伴的一期一會
好開心好像回到從前
即使我們都知道我們再也回不去了
今天心中只有哥哥所說的Quotation:
"沒有人比剛休假回來的人更需要休假了"
TURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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''Practically all realationship I know are built on a foundation of lies and mutually accepted delusion. ''
So how could we tell from lies to truth?
It seems to be unnecessary to do that because we try to fool ourself with delusions.
Just like the characters in The holiday.
So why am I suffered?
Why are we struggled from these all chaos?
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昨天
久違了的吳興街
好久不見的那個人
其實帶點膽怯帶點不知所措
再見面他早已和半年前差異過大
都已經要認不出這個人了
這樣也好
半年前的事情突然好像是很久以前的歷史了
一切瞬間就這麼隨時間流逝
半年以前 常常走過那段長長街道 心急的加快腳步
半年以後 默默走在似曾相識的路 悠閒的放慢步伐
莫名其妙的在接近時有些近鄉情怯
還好 所有的事情看似一如往昔卻又陌生
聊著 共同的朋友近來發生的事情與人生
看著 眼前的那個我再也不熟悉的陌生人
想著 心裡無力無奈無法掌握的令我傷神
我放空的茫然於身邊一切以高速經過我的一切
時間也許就會再度地飛逝
現在的一切
半年後 也許又會給我一樣的體認
那我又何苦被困於現在這樣的窘境
那我又何必苦惱於這些不美好的事
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從星期五晚餐聚會到深夜姐妹趴替
一路到三點才睡的我 竟然五點就醒了
這次搭高鐵回去整個覺得太方便了
捷運接駁真的很不錯
只是行程滿檔 讓我有些疲憊
很多地方 很多感覺 這次都變了
Smoky Joe's 給人的感覺似乎平民化了一些
漢神還是一樣充斥著購買慾很強的女性们
不一樣的是這次與貝貝的會面
讓我好開心好開心好開心
更驚呼高雄的物價真的太便宜了
串門子一定會是下次大夥兒高雄聚會的地點
雖然帶點台味又兼顧了海產店的fu
整個太適合我們了我只能這麼說
四維路上的"VIII"真的很有fu...
改變了我對Whisky的觀感
原來Whisky也可以這麼順喔~~~~~~
Side Car真的很濃厚
我想要從調酒路線轉到whisky我還需要時間
星期天一大早的公車轉轉轉似乎讓時光倒流了
想到以前的那些日子
原來 一直都在這麼近的眼前
無心的邀約 隨性的相聚
竟然這麼sweet!!!!!!!
這次也算是做了不少事見了不少人
體力透支的我在看到the Holiday
再也忍不住不開心而只能感概
so just let it be.....
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